What, you guys thought I'd actually update sometime this month? Um, dudes, since school is for all intents and purposes (meaning, mine) finis, summer is now officially in full force. And "updating my internet diary" is not on the top of my list of things to do for the next few glorious months.

These, however, are:

Vacations
Going to see my little panda, and a bunch of dead people's bones.

Lovely summer cocktails
Which I would normally be ashamed to drink, but if it's hot enough to warrant an umbrella for shade, it's hot enough to warrant an umbrella in my drink. And that above? There is no shame in a Long Beach Iced Tea, my friends. NONE.

Living in bikinis
Yeah, not really a huge departure from what I've been doing, weekly, for the past two months or so.

The return of alternative ways to get from here to there
It's been awhile since I've attempted to tame the two-wheeled beast (my last bike was stolen) but my interest has since been renewed due to the following factors: a good friend offered to help me build a bike all custom and shit, and oh yeah, he mentioned that we could PAINT IT GOLD.

I've also been frequenting some local (not downtown) bars a bit more lately, and though I live in a safe neighborhood, walking back home at night isn't really a bright idea. No, drunkenly wobbling around on a flashy bike - much better!

Dodger games
More of these too, please. Since I haven't yet been to one this season. No, I most certainly have not.

And...
hopefully many, many afternoons just like this one. (Whoa, I just noticed that post was written a year ago, today. I totally did not do this on purpose. Let's go ahead and call it FATE.)

Cheers!

He always turned around when I called 'Ling Ling.' This morning he didn't. I rushed to him and touched his head, and he was already cold. That broke my heart," Sugimoto said. "He was such a darling."

Thank you, Mr. Sugimoto for TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY.

He's a chief panda-keeper (wait, why the fuck did I just get an MLIS degree?!), commenting on Japan's oldest panda, who passed away one day after being removed from public exhibition due to aging and frail health. Way to hang in there for the people, Ling Ling.

So what to do to turn a frown upside down? Well, the answer should be obvious, people: buy shoes! Shoes that I already have in black, but these ones are all suede not suede and patent leather and therefore TOTALLY DIFFERENT:

And if that doesn't work (even though it totally did, a bit): buy a panda!

(Click on the image to go to non-profit organization Pandas International)

You can sponsor a panda for just $50, and adoptions begin at $500. With an adoption you get all kinds of cutesy updates and photos of your panda, and you also get to give it a nickname.

Um, people? LET'S DO THIS.

Sorry I haven't been around, dudes.

Turns out that cramming a semester's worth of work into a week kind of sucks the life out of you! And the amount of celebration needed to erase the memory of those painful, painful homework-filled days? Well, that sucks the ability to form coherent sentences out of you.

Anyways, allow me to make it up to you, dear readers:

For those of you who aren't into FUZZY WUZZY CUTENESS (freaks), this one's for you. TRUST ME.

He's fine! It's totally ok to laugh! And to watch it 10 more times!

(Ok, 20.)

With school, that is.

I'm also done with: staying in to do homework, being too tired to go out, visiting 5,095,473 libraries in one month, imagining what a joyous sound would result from throwing my laptop off a high-rise, and getting up at 9am on a Saturday for class (ok, I only did this last one a few times, but STILL).

Yup. DONE WITH ALL THAT BUSINESS.

...at least until September, at which point it looks as though I'll be starting Masters degree #2 (which deals with an even dorkier subject area than the first. What trumps latin manuscripts and 1950s horror comics? Wouldn't you like to know!).

What? Sanity was never something I claimed to posses, people. But the ability to celebrate? LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

Cheers!

I guess I may have mentioned my panda love on here once or twice? Because seriously ALL OF YOU sent this in. And that is why I love you.

I have work off tomorrow, which means that my weekend will probably look something like this: homework, drink, homework, homework, sleep, homework, drink, homework, homework, sleep, homework, homework, HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK!!!, turn in homework, do happy-done-with-grad-school dance, PAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTYYYYYYY!

Cheers!

Congratulations, baby!

I could get all sweet right now, but I would much rather do it in front of the man himself over a celebratory glass of whiskey.

(So for everyone else reading this: YOU ARE SO, SO WELCOME that I'm electing to not do it here.)

Cheers!

Today in storytime we made these:

But with real feathers because my crafts are fancy and awesome like that.

I also taught all 60+ preschoolers how to cup their hand over their mouth and make ferocious battle cry sounds. I actually saw one mom swoop in, slow motion style, and attempt to distract her son while I was demonstrating. Hey, lady, the kid's going to learn sooner or later how to ANNOY THE FUCK OUTTA YOU.

I was just doing my part. You're welcome.

And yes, I did update twice in one day partly because I didn't want the previous entry to be at the top of the page, the first thing someone sees when they come to my site. I don't want to scare any of you off from visiting. Hell, visit five times a day. I'm not in the habit of analyzing my site stats, or checking IP addresses. So go ahead - spend hours on here. I DARE YOU.

I'm also loathe to contribute to internet dramatics. I felt this situation warranted comment, though, but nothing further.

The other reason why I updated twice in one day? Well, I told you that my powers of procrastination are quite stunning in their magnificence. And now that I will be DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL in LESS THAN A WEEK, my powers of putting shit off is at full throttle.

Expect 5,489 or so posts come Friday.

This is not for all of you, so please don't get all paranoid. That's right. Put the tin foil down.

But one of you? One of you reading this is a creep.

I'd like to think that come here because you actually enjoy the site (hey, it could happen!) or because maybe you're faced with a long and tedious work day where any diversion is a good one (yeah...this is probably more likely).

But there's also the possibility that you're visiting just to glean informative bits and pieces of my life from here. And you're not one of my friends, so one can only wonder why the fuck you would want to do that.

I'm mindful that anything I post here (or on myspace, as you are well familiar with, creep) can be read by perfect strangers, interpreted and even used however they desire. (Uh, DUH.) I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is someone in my town acting in ways that make you go HMMMM.

So I hope that you're here because you just enjoy my site. Alcohol and baby animals; there's something for everyone! But if that's not why you're here, you may want to think about going here instead.

And you know, maybe getting a life, too.

This is precisely the kind of thing my mother was afraid of when I decided that formal and traditional graduation announcements are seriously butt ugly and that I would be making my own.

I was originally leaning towards a design that projected at least a modicum of propriety, but I absolutely cannot stop giggling at the thought of my little old grandmother breaking open the embossed seal on a starched white envelope and pulling out THIS.

And that mental image alone is reason enough to do it.

It's Saturday. And I'm at work. And I had to be here AT 9AM.

Normally, this would be perfectly acceptable grounds for crying, screaming, pouting, huffing and puffing, or (my favorite) throwing things.

But I have no cause for complaint. Absolutely none.

Today started out as best it possibly could have, which means that yes, there were cuddles. Which was was followed by a nice, leisurely bath (since I actually woke up early for once in my life...even if it took a car accident nearby to do the trick) where I got the chance to dive into a shamefully enjoyable graphic novel that I bought yesterday.

From there I cooked breakfast (!!!), headed off to work, and spent the morning hours sipping gourmet coffee (a gift from a patron) and selecting graphic novels for the library collection. My job. I kind of love it.

And then there was lunch:

Oh, sushi. Before this month, we had been apart far, far too long. What can I say? It's become increasingly rare that I have time to sit down to dinner anymore, and you're not exactly what I would consider take out food. But this month, you and I have been tight like BFFs, and I believe that I may love you even more than (dare I say it? I dare!) curly fries.

(And coworkers? That is apple juice in the picture. APPLE JUICE.)

Now I've got a few hours left of kicking back in a nice, air conditioned building, suggesting my favorite books for reading material because the books I read are the THE SHIT, teaching senior citizens that "burning a disc" has nothing to do with actually lighting it on fire so please put that out thanks, heading out to the craft store to buy storytime supplies, and pointing out where the tax forms are (hint: in the big cardboard stand that says TAX FORMS).

And I may have another cup of coffee, too.

Cheers!

So how does treating yourself to a pair of shoes provide an incentive for staying in and studying?

Turns out, IT DOES NOT.

Whoops!

But you know what does help? Or at least, I hope it helps, because I am running out of options, and it turns out that you don't get a whole lot of work done at the bar:

Legal and tasty stimulants! 90wpm, here I come.

And yes, my desktop is an Lolcat picture, but it's not actually of a cat, so that makes it slightly less lame, right?

Whatever. You know you're dying to see the cuteness that is my desktop photo. Go ahead, click on the link. You know you want to.

Despite the fact that I just had three long days off (which involved everything from sake to sangria; it was a good three days), that I am finding out that gee, this graduate thesis and project kind of are a big deal, and that SHIT, they're due in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, I'm still having trouble getting motivated to stay in more than two nights in a row to work on them.

So I bought myself a little incentive:

I had planned on getting these gorgeous little loves as a graduation present to myself (buying luxury shoes for big celebratory occasions lessens the amount of crap I get for doing so) but I was just on the computer, fully intending to get to work, and yet my traitorous little fingers decided to stage a revolt and somehow ended up opening a browser window, going to a site with a lot of a pretty shoes, and furiously clicking on a little orange "add to bag" button. At that point, shit was over.

(Self control. Not my strong suit. This may have been brought up on here, oh...once or twice before.)

So the shoes are mine, I am poor but happy, and now I am absolutely going to stay in tonight and crank out some majorly stellar work.

(I can't speak for tomorrow night, though, because this shit gets old QUICK.)

Oh, and I was just kidding about spending my tax return all at once; that would be foolish. Besides, I haven't done my taxes yet!

This story is awesome, the comments are especially awesome, my job at the library which I didn't have to be at until noon today continues to be awesome, and the fact that I am going to be done with my library science degree in two weeks? Yeah. More awesome. And that much of a good thing needs to be celebrated.

With something sweet that has sprinkles.

(Hey, it would be Jameson, but it's 2pm and I'm at work. Check back in with me around midnight or so, though!)

I generally make it a point not to talk about politics here because I prefer to not get a dozen YOUR SOOO DUM!!!1! emails in my inbox. Also because hey, live and let live. I'm not in the business of trying to win people over to my of thinking, or convince anyone that they're wrong and that my way is the one and only acceptable path. No thanks. I'd rather have a beer.

But something happened recently that I just cannot NOT comment on. (Bring on the emails.)

John McCain made a speech earlier today in Memphis, at the Lorraine Motel. That's the motel where Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. 40 years ago today, even. Great publicity stunt, McCain.

Too bad he VOTED AGAINST MAKING MLK DAY A HOLIDAY back in 1983, though. Oops!

His stupidity, while appalling, isn't really surprising for a politician (why hello there, Dubya!). But to promote your political career by scheduling a speech at a historic landmark, on a tragic date, all in an attempt to capitalize on the attention rightly given to the memory of a great, great man WHO WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO HONOR but is just fine to help you atract the media?

I can't even articulate the enormity of my disgust. So I'll just stick with UGH.

In no coherent order because I woke up at 9 fucking am and haven't had a nap:

ANIMALS!

Seriously, I can't get enough of odd animal pairings. This particular photo comes from a story where a family dog saved a little joey from it's dead mother's pouch.

I KNOW.

Full story at the Daily Mail (via dooce).

And speaking of odd animal pairings, this photo made me laugh for a good minute, for reasons that only one other person will likely understand:

(Hi, Baby!)

And since it's all baby animal love, all the time over here, check out this little Asiatic lion cub (via Jezebel) and tell me you don't want to dive through the computer screen and nom nom on those paws.

Which can only bring us to this video clip which has been around the internet so many times that my grandmother has seen it which means that you probably have, too, but if there's even one person out there on Earth who hasn't seen this then I MUST REACH THEM.

The story goes that these two men went to visit their old pet lion cub (uh, ok) and were told by its minders that the lion wouldn't remember them after the year or so away. However erroneous or embellished that story is, you can't deny the AWESOMENESS of this clip:

***

So...still reading?

Anyone?

It will be back to whiskey drinkin' and ill-advised tattoo gettin' around here in no time, I promise. But come on, when a post has "good things" in the title, you know that = SUPER CUTE FUZZY WUZZIES, right?

Because you should.

Covering my ass with the title above? Not at all!

Anyways, sorry about the lack of posting yesterday. I generally try to update on Mondays as they are by far my highest traffic day, likely due to the fact that you all deal with your return to the workweek with a subtle "fuck you" conveyed through shirking work in favor of surfing the internet for mindless entertainment.

(Which is not at all another reason why I generally make it a habit to post on Mondays, as well.)

I didn't post yesterday because I didn't come into work yesterday. Not that I update this site at work, OH NO. Um, moving on...

I called out of work yesterday because some personal issues took precedence and needed to be dealt with. And although I didn't call in sick, per se, I DID feel a bit of a fever coming on.

Also on the list of things that I failed to do yesterday (along with: show up at work, do homework, arrive anywhere on time) was take any pictures with my cell phone, as I said I might in my earlier post.

Nope, I didn't take a single one. CERTAINLY not this one:

Oh, and for any coworkers reading this? GET BACK TO WORK.

Ha, I kid!

But seriously, any comments, hints, or suggestions that I was dealing with anything other than a totally real family issue yesterday will result in a swift beheadeding. Or in being forced to read the entire Shopaholic series. Same thing? Yeah, pretty much!